Golf
 I haven't played golf for a few years now, but I
believe I used to enjoy it.
Mark Twain is said to have once described the noble game of golf as "a
good walk spoiled".
Well, I say that's not always the case, sometimes it can be a bloody
pain in the arse, and at other times it can be a nice walk, especially
if you play golf like I do. It can take up to four hours to play a
round of golf, I play military golf, I hit the ball to the left, and
then to the right, then to the left, then to the right... left, right,
left, right... You get the idea. My short game, (chipping onto the
green) really lets me down, that stupid little ball just doesn't want
to stop on the green. My best round is 98, normally I get over 100, I'm
happy with that, I believe I get my moneys worth.
Darts
 I also enjoy throwing a few arrows, as they
say! Not professionally but down the local pub... In fact I remember
many years ago going to the Heinz social club with one of my brothers
his then girlfriend and my Nan, we would enter the darts competitions,
I never won or even came close to it, but it was fun, and once I even
got a 180 but I was only practicing so it doesn't count. My real claim
to fame was when I played for the rising sun pub in Willesden, the last
game of the night was an eight v eight 1301 game the deciding game of
the night... I was the last one to the ochi needing double top to
finish, and with my first dart I finished the match... It didn't matter
that I throw like poo in the other games I played that night, all that
mattered was that we had won, and I throw the final dart... I was such
a hero.
Sea Fishing
This is the sport I like the most, there's nothing like freezing your
nuts of on a winter's night trying to lure anything
from the sea that will take your bate... Cast, retrieve rebate, cast,
retrieve rebate and so on and so on... But its good fresh air, even if
you don't catch anything.
The one that got away!
The elusive Danish sea trout! Fishing in Denmark is not the same as
fishing in the UK, in the UK, you buy some bate, stick it on a hook and
throw it in the sea, and hope one of many different species comes along
and finds it interesting enough to eat. In Denmark they only have a few
different fish, and the one that everybody fishes for is the elusive
Danish sea trout. To catch this wonderful delicacy, First you have to
buy some equipment, a short flimsy rod about 7 feet long, a few
lures,(artificial lures are supposed to represent some sort of food!!!)
you really need some waders and the most important part of any Danish
fishing outfit, a net. You take all this wonderful new stuff and throw
it in the back of the car and drive down to the local beach.
You slip into your sexy waders and you walk out into the rolling surf,
and you just keep walking, and walking, for about 5 or 6 hundred yards,
so that the water comes up to you knees, this is normally the time you
realise that you should of had a pee before leaving so you turn around
and wade back to the beach. You put your new stuff down in the sand and
try to find somewhere to take a leak, once that's
done, you collect your stuff and take the long walk back into the
sea... When you are out far enough, you wave your rod in the air with
this little artificial lure attached to the end and throw it as far out
to sea as you can (not the rod just the lure) that's
called a cast... it never goes far, because the lure only weighs about
2oz, once cast, you reel it in and cast again, this goes on for as long
as your arms, back and legs can stand it! If you are really, really
lucky after many, many casts, as I was on one such occasion, your lure
falls in front of a fish that happens to be either stupid or very
hungry... You pull on the rod (this is called a strike) and you've got
it... Don't strike too hard, and don't try to reel it in too fast, play
the fish, let it get tired, it will be easier to get into the net...
I'm concentrating so hard, I've been after this fish for so long, I
ache all over, I gently entice the fish towards me... I can see it,
it's swimming to the left, and then to the right,
it's not huge, but it's a Danish
sea trout, it's getting closer and closer... Nows
the time to get the net ready, I reach behind... Oh poo! Panic sets in!
I'd left my new net back on the beach when I went for a pee, not to
worry I'll put it in my waders if I have too, I just need to get a hand
on it, it's getting closer and closer. I reach down
to grab it, no it's not close enough, a few more
turns on the reel should do it... One turn, two turns, three was a
little too much the fish caught a glimpse of me and it was off, I tried
to stop it by pulling on the rod, but it was too late, I'd lost it.
I've been back a few times since, but I think that stupid fish has told
all of his mates, because I haven't even had as much as a nibble, just
a sure back and wrists... But I still love this wonderful sport.
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The so called great game of football has more followers than any
other sport in the world, and usually it consists of a bunch of
overpaid guys running around kicking the poo out of a little round
thing, that hasn't done anything to anybody.
I've played football both 11'a'side and 5'a'side, but
I've never really understood the game!
From what I believe, there are two teams distinguished by the
different colour shirts that they wear, except one member of each
team wears another colour!!!
They all run around after the little round thing
(it's called a ball), and when somebody gets the
ball which they are not allowed to touch with their hands, they
kick it away as far as they can as if they will get the plague if
they keep it, but then they run after it again!!!
Each team tries to kick the ball into a square thing with a fishing
net wrapped around it, if they get the ball into the square thing,
it's called a goal.
This goes on for ages and ages, and then in the so called middle
they drink orange and then they do the whole thing again.
I remember when I played that if I got the ball my team mates would
all shout "Score!",
I'd look around the sideline, but there were
never any good looking unattached girls there, so why they shouted
that I have no idea!!!
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